An Act of Pure Selfishness

I have come to the conclusion that it's time to wean Amelia. I know that some people may see this as almost unforgivable, but there are many reasons. I'll tell you about a few, not to excuse myself, but so that you might understand the torment that has gone into this decision.

1. Amelia has been a champion eater since she was born. This is in stark contrast to Felix, who struggled the entire time he breastfed. Even nursing well, it hasn't been a great experience. I've had one terrible yeast infection (the pain associated was excruciating) and one plugged milk duct (again, the pain - this time on the other side). But despite generic health, I've been in constant discomfort (those who have nursed will surely remember their own experience).

2. I own one bra that fits. It cost me $40 and I can't afford another one. It was the biggest one they had in the store. I'm sick of shopping at specialty stores for things that barely fit.

3. Amelia has started on food besides milk. She LOVES food. Anything she can get in her mouth. She loves cereal, hard things to chomp on (no sign of teeth yet) like carrots, soft things to chomp on (she really liked the tree of broccoli I gave her this weekend), and she'll lick everything to death if she can hold it that long. 4. Amelia has a bad habit or two associated with nursing. The first she developed was to chomp down and then yank. Thank goodness she has no teeth yet or there might be blood. Seriously, yeowch! The other habit is to only eat on one side. I haven't figured out what her deal is, but that can be painful too, especially first thing in the morning.

5. I can't lose weight. I can't even begin to express my dissatisfaction with my body right now. I know what to do, but I can't nurse if I'm going to do it. I saw myself in a mirror yesterday and was purely disgusted with my reflection.

6. I'm in near-constant pain. I blame this on a few things, most notably the weight and lack of sleep. Interestingly, the weight and the sleep are tied together too. When I weigh less, I sleep better. The poor sleep, tossing and turning, is killing my back, and I'm having more and more headaches from the sleep deprivation.

7. I've been told not to take my RLS medication while nursing. I guess this is tied to #6. I'm sick of my legs twitching all the time. I dream about getting good sleep. That may seem difficult, but you could almost call them day-dreams. I'm not really all the way asleep.

8. Tied to all the frustrations (sleep, weight, nursing issues) is a general crankiness. It's made worse by my feeling that I have no control over my life. I see myself taking that frustration out on my family and it makes me really sad. I don't want to be cranky anymore. I don't want to be sad and angry and in pain.


So, that's it. This is my "new year's day". My resolution is to lose about 50% of my current body fat. That may seem like a lot, but I've got plenty to lose. I'm guessing it'll end up being about 100 pounds. I don't especially like talking about how fat I am. But I need your help. I need your support and your understanding. I'll need you to please keep the temptations away as much as possible. To encourage me appropriately. To sympathize with the struggle. I'm sure most of you do silently already to some point.

I will be posting my progress here. I'm going to start by weaning in the next week or two. Softening the blow to Amelia is a large store of milk I have in the freezer that I pumped when she was a newborn. As soon as that weaning is complete, I will embark on the weight loss. I'm serious this time. Because I'm desperate this time.

Swings (and some other stuff)

Our faithful swing died a couple of days ago. The really hard part about this is that the swing happens to be the place that Amelia sleeps during the day. Brent took it apart to see if he could get the motor running again and he couldn't. I got what's known as a cradle swing from my cousin for really cheap because the swinging motion was broken. I figured we could try it out (we got it before ours died) and even just push it, but Amelia didn't really like it at all. I think part of the problem was that it didn't sit up at all.

We went a couple of days with no swing and it was terrible. Amelia is as addicted to a swing as we are. And yet she won't stay in the travel swing or in the cradle swing. Gah!

We finally got desperate and went and bought one today. I did some research yesterday and even looked at Craigslist and ksl classifieds. There were no used ones of the kind I wanted though - at least nobody responded. She settled into the swing as soon as it was put together and within about 10 minutes was snoring peacefully. So Brent is taking a nap and I would too if Felix weren't still up. At least I've finally got my hands free again! Hooray!

This is Amelia in her "intent" look. She does this a lot. We tried to get her on video but it didn't work. Basically, she was standing on Brent's lap chomping on this binky (the ONLY one she'll take) and pulling it out of her mouth. It was as if she couldn't figure out why it kept coming out. She'd clamp down as hard as she could and then she'd yank on it and pop it out. She looked pretty confused about it and kind of frustrated too. We laughed anyway, of course. Oh, this picture is of couch throw-up. Brent went through and dug out all the corners. Lo and behold, my wallet turned up. I'm so happy that I don't have to chance another trip to the DMV. I actually liked my drivers license pic for once!

WeWe's First Joke

I honestly didn't think that kids this young knew anything about humor. Felix, however, has a well-developed sense of fun. He enjoys making his parents laugh, so we oblige him as often as we can.

We've been encouraging Felix to potty train but haven't pushed it. And from the beginning, if his bum is naked he will always go in his potty chair to pee.

One day last month Felix was running around in just a t-shirt to give him the chance to go in his own "to-yut" and I was sitting here at my computer on the couch. He came up to me and with a big mischievous grin, said "Pee Mommy?" Huh what?!



Felix found the hat and the sunglasses and slippers and insisted he wear them all. I've been trying to encourage him to take fewer bottles, but he's resisting quite effectively so far. Only thing I've found that works at all is to distract him - keep his belly full and the bottles out of site. He'll still insist if he's especially upset though.

Toddlers certainly are a handful. A giant entertaining handful.

Movie Review: Star Trek

I promise I don't just watch movies. I really do other things too. However, yesterday was a stressful and frustrating day, so when my dear cousin Rob said he could get tickets to see Star Trek a few days early (the Utah premiere, how fun!) I figured it might be just what the doctor ordered. Turned out it was a perfect foil to my crappy day.

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'
I don't know how many of you are familiar with The Onion. I got a good laugh out of this clip even before I saw the film. Now I love it even more.

I don't want to give it away. All you need to know is that this movie is fun. It's full of amazing action and effects, there are no slow parts that make you think about going to do something else, the cast is perfect (I did hear some nitpicky comments like: "Bones doesn't have blue eyes" and "Sulu is played by a Korean instead of a Japanese guy", but the feel of the characters is right on and they look great too), and overall, it's FUN. I don't think you have to be a die-hard Trekker/Trekkie to enjoy this. In fact, I don't think it's important to have any familiarity with the show at all. I do think you'll get more out of it if you've seen at least a few episodes of the original show, but otherwise it's completely stand-alone. And it totally works.

I honestly can't wait to see it again. Still makes me chuckle under my breath when I think about it. Man, I needed that last night.

It's rated PG-13 for intense action (although I'm pretty sure the only slightly objectionable thing in it is a bedroom scene that lasts about a minute - you see two people in their underwear, so if your kids can handle that, they'll be fine with the rest - really).

Per Ethan's suggestion, I'm changing my rating scale to 5 stars. And I give this movie all 5. Yeah, I really did like it that much.

Update: check out this review for a lot more detail. Good review. I totally agree.

Movie Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

It's hard to know where to start without giving anything away. I mean, I don't want to ruin the movie or anything.

If you go to see this movie, make sure to get there early. If you don't, you may have to send your husband to the front row while you sit on the stairs so your head doesn't explode. You may have to go around asking 15 people if the empty seats next to them are saved (they are), or have the guy in the handicapped seats next to the stair where you're sitting go ask someone else to save his spot so you won't take it while he runs out to see if his friend is there yet (jerk, I would have given it back if you had asked me to hold it for you - happily even since the stair was supremely uncomfortable and it would have meant 2 minutes of comfort).

But the real reason why you want to get there early is that a lot of the so-called origin of Wolverine is shown during the opening credits. We got to the end of the credits and I was thinking, "so, what's left to tell? Now we know everything!" Not quite. Yeah, his true beginning is during the credits, but after that you get his story. You start to understand why he's hardened and bitter and on the wild side. You see the relationships that shape his character. And it's a perfect back-story to the 3 previous X-Men movies.

This movie is never slow, but it does slow down here and there. But those parts are important too. The movie is quite intense in action, but there's nothing more violent or gory than the X-Men movies.

If you liked those, and you like the character of Wolverine, go see this and you'll like him even more. If you didn't like him before, you might just after seeing this. It's a thrill ride, that's for sure.

I liked this movie a lot. Brent thinks it has some issues, but I think he's nitpicking. Seriously, if you knew what those issues were, then you'd be some kind of an expert that is completely unnecessary to the enjoyment of the movie. Just go see it and let yourself enjoy the ride.

It's rated PG-13 for violence - about on par with the other movies. I give it 3 1/2 out of 4 stars. I think I need a different rating system.

Road Rage

To the guy who honked and flipped me off today when I "cut him off" on Center St in Orem during rush hour: You were crossing two lanes of traffic without a turn signal and it looked like you were going to turn in where I was coming out.

I'm sorry I cut you off, but you're still a big fat jerk in a stupid little car.