Sunday, December 30, 2007
Anyway, I like the "questions" so I'll answer. I don't know much about how it works, so I'm not going to try to tag anyone else though...
Five things I Was Doing Ten Years Ago
1. working a job I both hated and loved
2. trying to figure out how to get guys to like me
3. attending BYU full time while working
4. chasing after boys
5. gaining weight
Five things on my Life To Do List
1. get married sometime soon
2. travel some more
3. pick a major
4. make lots of money
5. have lots of kids
Five things I'd do if I was a Millionaire
1. pay off my parents' house and then buy it from them
2. pay off all of my debts (and Brent's debts too)
3. hire a mother's helper (yeah, I know, I only have one kid)
4. buy a houseboat and put it in a harbor in Alaska
5. vacation (long one) in Italy
Five Things I'd Never Do Again
1. abuse my body with long-term sleep deprivation
2. go into debt for stupid things
3. be offended because of someone's ignorance
4. put off financial management
5. compromise myself because of desperation
Five Favorite Toys
2. digital camera
3. Kinder toys!
4. toys that entertain my infant
5. Mr Potato Head
Five Things I've Read Recently
2. Peter and the Starcatchers
3. Pickle Chiffon Pie
4. lots of other kids books
5. internet news stories
Five of My Favorite Smells
1. mom's homemade bread right out of the oven
5. freshly bathed husband and baby
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Truth is that as a new mom and still relatively newly wed person, I find that there are just a lot of other things to think about. Because we're coming up on the end of the year, I will re-cap.
January 30 - Put on bed rest and started working from home to finish a couple of big projects. It worked out so nicely I asked work if we could do "home" work permanently. They graciously agreed, but I think they were just desperate.
February 21 - Felix Stephen Webster arrived all sorts of unexpectedly. With lots of nervousness about breathing issues, he stayed in the hospital for 9 days and then went home on oxygen. We discovered quickly that he was much more uncomfortable with it off than on. Doc said it was okay to leave him off.
(Felix at the library in December)
March 25 - 1-year anniversary. Marriage still feels surreal and sometimes I have to remind myself that I really am married. I mean, I spent 32 years single, and now this! Brent continues to astound and impress me in many ways.
April something - my little sister finally married her long-time sweetheart. Both families gave huge sighs of relief.
Um, summer happened. I can't remember much. I know there were family things. Brent and I were entertained greatly by the growth and development of our offspring.
October - I got strep. Then Felix got it. Never mind that it's extremely unusual for infants to get it. He also got a super duper nasty yeast diaper rash that took forever to heal.
November - I got a kidney infection and cysts on my ovaries that disguised themselves as possible appendicitis. The day they removed my healthy appendix, Brent took Felix to the doctor because he had croup and could hardly breathe. That was a miserable couple of weeks. Thank goodness for steroids that open breathing passages or Brent and I might never have slept again!
(new play place for Felix this winter)
Also in November - fun times with family for Thanksgiving. I started working more from home. We started realizing the scope of the medical bills.
December - I think I started my important Christmas shopping the Thursday before Christmas. Oh, our internet went down for about 3 weeks and as a result I started going back to the office to work. I actually kind of like it but it does put a strain on Brent. We finally switched internet providers and got wireless internet (which, for some reason, doesn't function on my work computer so I still have to go to the office to work).
more December - Brent begins to get very suspicious of his health. He recognizes that he is always thirsty and always has to go to the bathroom. He has inexplicably lost 10 or 15 pounds recently. One Sunday he borrows my dad's blood sugar tester. 375 isn't a good number. We're worried and a little scared, and still trying to figure out how to get insurance. Brent is in the process of trying to apply for the company where my brother Jared recently started. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
December 24 - I finally do some wrapping. We try to go see a movie and see someone selling puppies in the parking lot. Movie was sold out, and after deliberating for too long, the puppy we liked best was sold out too. But they had a different puppy we could look at if we wanted. We did. We liked it. We purchased it. I wouldn't say that I actually regret it, but it really is just as annoying to train a puppy as I remembered. I'm finding my socks all over the house and everything that's even near the floor is fair game for chewing. Plus, he's not house trained. Gah! I hate picking up puppy poo!
December 25 - We go over to my sister's because I love being around lots of little kids on Christmas morning. Felix throws up on me before we leave, as we arrive, and then all day long. We figured it wasn't a big deal because he does occasionally throw up (very different from spit-up, as any parent could attest). But we left after just an hour or two because Felix was totally listless and cuddly. If you know Felix, you will know that he's not cuddly. He loves being held, but he wants to be active at the same time. Not that day. He slept for most of the day and kept down the pedialyte for a maximum of about half an hour (the couple of sips he would take) but most of the time for only about 10 minutes. Brent and I changed clothes a lot.
later on Dec 25 - I left the boys (Brent, Felix, and DustBunny aka Dusty) at home to rest and went back to Anne's for a family shindig. By then everyone had already been exposed and I still didn't think it was necessarily contagious.
December 26 - my granola sis-in-law says she can smell rota virus and that's probably what Felix has. Not a good thing because she and my bro are staying in the same house as us and have lots of contact, it's extremely contagious, and their youngest has serious health issues that could mean hospitalization with rota virus. Felix starts the day off with diarrhea and, well, he still has it. But then I get sick too. Mostly it's just sick to my stomach and the runs. Karin assures me that it's rare for adults to get rota. We still make it to the Hyatt extended family Christmas party. I really hope they don't all get sick too. The clubhouse where we had the party had a pool... (Abish, Andy, Zeke, Hannah, Rachel)
December 28 - impromptu get-together at my sister's again. It was really nice to see some long-distance family and talk to them. Two cousins had invaluable advice on the diabetes front because they are both young and have been diagnosed in the past couple of years. Brent and I decided to catch a movie, so we went to National Treasure. Kind of hokey but fun. We picked up some toasted subs from Arby's beforehand (in my opinion, they are the best fast food sandwiches around at the moment) and left Felix with Anne and Denny. Felix apparently terrorized them all night with his mad diarrhea and vomiting skills. When we left he was in a pretty good mood, but turns out that after a short nap (that should have been going to bed for good), he screamed for an hour, till my sister buckled him in his car seat and locked him in her bedroom, shortly after which he fell right asleep. Poor kid. Poor Anne.
Today - Felix is still going through many changes of clothes per day. He's still throwing up, and his diarrhea shows no sign of stopping. Karin said it's normal for it to last a week. We're giving Felix gatorade a couple of times a day. He doesn't really like it though, but we don't want him to get dehydrated.
Brent gave me a camera for Christmas (I gave him rootbeer), so I finally have some good pictures to put up.
Oh, two more things. My awesome friend CarrieAnne invited me to sew/craft with her sister and another friend and we've done it twice now. I'm in love with all of them. Soooooooooo cool to have good new friends that are so interesting and entertaining! And... I made myself some sock/slippers yesterday. They are knee high and are fitted to my feet and calves. My ankles are always cold, but no longer! I might have to try to market them somehow because they are awesomeness!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I've started going in to work because I can't do any at home without internet. It's actually nice to go in because I'm a lot more productive without a baby poking my bum and crying because he wants to be picked up.
Thankfully, even without internet, I've been able to entertain myself. Friends have helped. I've discovered an afinity for sewing. (wait, does afinity mean that I like it or that I'm good at it? I really mean that I like it. I'm getting better at it but it'll take a while before I'm good)
Brent tested his blood sugar on Sunday and it was super high. He's convinced he has diabetes so we're trying to figure out how we can get insurance. Plus, his bosses told him they'll have a lot less work for him starting in January so he may want to find something else. We're thinking of having me go back to work full time so we can have income and insurance. blah. I hate stuff like this.
We've been putting Felix to bed in his crib every night and he's starting to sleep through the night. It's sooooo nice! Of course, before falling asleep he has to cry so hard he throws up, so the floor surrounding the crib is, well, kind of gross. I'm thinking I need to put a washable rug in front of the crib. One night after working late I checked on him and found him in this lovely position. He slept that way for about 7 hours. I can't imagine it was very comfortable, but he didn't seem especially unhappy with it.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Our internet is still down, but since we felt completely isolated, we are at this moment borrowing my sister's wireless connections so we can catch up with everything. I apologize to those of you who have missed me during our absense. :)
On Thursday night Brent and I dropped Felix off with my sister (who went to work and left Felix with her generous and wonderful husband Denny) and went to Salt Lake. We met up with our friends Ian and Amy, went to dinner at Squatters (super yummy food, by the way), and then went to the Billy Joel concert. It. Was. Amazing.
Billy Joel played for 2 1/2 hours straight, no opener. He did take one quick break. He introduced it by saying that he was going to let one of his rodies sing a religious song. He recommended we think of its important message and words during our drive home. This big fat guy in a crew t-shirt and shorts got up (he also introduced the guy by the name "Chainsaw") and sang "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC. The guy actually did a really good job. It was funny to see all the old people look mildly annoyed or perplexed and all the young people singing along.
There was a wide variety of people there at the concert. All ages and types. Awesome music. It reminded me of just how talented Billy Joel is. He even poked fun of himself and his recent problems with car accidents by saying thanks to people for buying the nosebleed seats, since he needed the money now that he has outrageous car insurance.
Yesterday Brent and I went to Costco and while we were there Donny Osmond came in. Brent said hi (after I pointed him out) and Donny said hi back and patted him on the shoulder. He's kind of a small man. With a larger head. But he looks great!
This morning we woke up early to head up to Logan for a baptism, but the weather was not with us. It snowed over night and was still snowing. In fact, it's still snowing. Although we left with enough time to make it in good weather, the roads were super messy and terrifying, and we made it to south Salt Lake valley before deciding it was better to come home.
So here we are, catching up on emails and blogs. Reconnecting to the world. It's been an interesting week...
Saturday, November 24, 2007
After the breakfast we drove back down south and stopped for a little bit to see my cousin in the hospital. Last Saturday, as she was traveling back from Italy with her husband, her stomach started hurting. Soon after that, her appendix burst but seeing as how urgent care didn't see her appendix on the ultrasound, they sent her home. She finally went to the ER on Tuesday night and had surgery on Wednesday. She's doing much better now, but she didn't get much of a Thanksgiving.
After visiting her for a bit, we came the rest of the way home for our dinner, and as we exited the freeway we heard a honk. Turning aorund, I saw another cousin and his family right behind us. We were all late, but it turned out fine. And yummy.
That night we had Pie Fest at my brother's house. We invited some friends to tag along and their kids had fun playing with bunches of kids. We all played Rummikub (one of my new favorite games) for a long time and generally enjoyed ourselves. After the pie fest, our friends followed us back to our house. See, we had decided we were going to go to Old Navy in the middle of the night because they were giving out mp3 players to the first 50 people in the store the next morning. We (me, Jason, and Char) got there at 4. They handed out wrist bands to the first 50 people at 4:45 (maybe 3 people after us in line got them) and opened the doors at 5. I had counted earlier to make sure we would make it, but in my counting I had failed to recognize our friend Erin near the beginning of the line. I saw her later in the store.
We all spent lots of money, saved lots of money, and generally had fun. After Old Navy, we headed to Shopko because we heard they had games for $1.99. We got there before 6, but the cheap games were already gone and the lines were insane, so we left. We headed just down the street to Target, but the parking lot was full. And I'm talking FULL! I've never seen a parking lot so packed. So we decided to go to Wal-Mart instead. We wandered around there for a while and found some great deals. I even found a sewing machine for $54 that I decided to grab for my sister (she's always borrowing either mine or my mom's).
By the time we left Wal-Mart it was about 7:45 and we were exhausted. We stopped at Macey's and I couldn't even go in for fear I wouldn't be able to walk. I got to sleep about 8:30 or so and slept until around noon. I wasn't very productive for the rest of the day because I was so tired, but we had friends over last night to watch The Wizard of Oz. Jason and Char's kids hadn't ever seen it, but they did like it.
Brent was falling asleep and Felix was fussy about 3/4 through the movie, so I sent them to bed. hehe I think everyone left about 10:30. I cleaned up a bit and fell into bed about midnight. To say I fell into bed is a little bit misleading though. I thought a lot about how I needed good sleep, and looking at Brent and Felix asleep in our bed, I was hesitant to let Felix interrupt my sleep. I was sooooooo tired, I couldn't stand the thought of waking up all night and getting inefficient sleep again. So I slept on the spare bed in Felix's room. It was blissful. I finally woke up about an hour ago because my nephew (the one who had invited me over) called to tell me it was his birthday. He's 8 today. Cute little kid. I really do adore my nieces and nephews.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
I have no idea why, but I love this video. It's Weapon of Choice by Fatboy Slim. The song isn't that well-known, except for Christopher Walken. There are weird references to Dune in it (Brent had to point them out). The video still makes me laugh though.
Monday, November 19, 2007
I'm caving in. I actually really dislike Christmas music because it proves how commercialized our society has become. Makes me mad.
Anyway, my friend Erin linked to this song that I heard last Christmas. I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants. Seriously. You have to enjoy this link:
My all-time favorite Christmas song is Got Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by Barenaked Ladies. Makes me want to dance. I tried to find a video on YouTube of it, but the two I found were both horrible copies. You'll just have to take my word for it. Well. you can listen to it if you want (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZL4Ic8VcSM) but it's not a great copy. And don't watch it because I think the video was taken on someone's phone and it doesn't match the sound. But you get the idea of the song and its wonderful beat.
So, I'm going to avoid the radio for the next couple of weeks. I'm usually willing to listen to Christmas music for a week or two before Christmas. But these two songs are good any time of year.
Oh yeah, and happy Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
I ended up taking Felix in to the doctor again. His regular pediatrician was out so he saw the next available doc. This doc is a little guy but very attentive. He recommended a steroid shot to ease the swelling of his airways, and he even called a few hours later to follow up. I was so impressed. Felix only has a regular cold now - no more wheezing.
I have figured out in the past couple of weeks that when Felix is really tired he wants his dad (yes, he really did fall asleep like that, right after he had slobbered biter biscuit goo all over Brent's shoulder). He gets frustrated with me but will snuggle into Brent's shoulder. But when Felix is awake and wants to play, he looks for me. Most of the time this is because Brent puts him down to play by himself on the floor, but I pick him up and play with him. Of course Brent plays with him sometimes, but when he has work to do, well, he just has to put him down.
This morning Felix got us up and I tried getting a little bit more sleep. In my haze of sleep, I could hear the crying getting slowly louder. I finally lifted my head to see Felix slowly crawling down the hall (with Brent supervising) to come find me. I told Brent I wanted to get a little more sleep so he took Felix back into the office. But not too long after that, Felix crawled out the door and back down the hallway to come find me. Really, how cute is that?!
Felix asleep, swaddled in his swing with a biter biscuit in his mouth.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Felix continues to struggle with croup but at least he's finally showing signs of getting better. We decided to let him take a nap at 9 tonight and he slept for an hour. That means he'll probably be up till 2, but he was so miserable we couldn't help it.
I'm feeling much less sore in the belly and I am feeling like I can eat mostly normally. Smaller portions, but that's not a bad thing at all. I caught a few minutes of Biggest Loser tonight and I thought again that I could totally win that under the right circumstances.
This morning I woke up and started sneezing. That's a really bad sign for me because it always heralds a bad cold. I sneezed for about 20 minutes straight and have been coughing ever since. My throat is all sorts of scratchy. :( I guess it's at least a really good thing this didn't come last week, because coughing this hard with holes in my belly would be absolute torture.
Felix, while recovering, is still coughing quite a bit. I think we're going to try to take him in to the doc tomorrow. He's been coughing so hard that he throws up everything in his stomach and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do to alleviate that. It's really hard watching an infant suffer, especially when he's normally so dang cheerful! He still smiles a lot and plays, but now he struggles for every breath. Or at least it sounds that way. And when he eats, well, he sucks it down desperately and then ends up choking on it.
I have a couple of fun things coming up, and if I have to, I'll get a mask to wear. I'm sick of being stuck in the house. I need social interraction! That's really how I make it through the winter. That and my favorite TV shows. heh
Brent and I seem to get hooked on a new show about once a year. When we first got together it was Lost. Last year it was Heroes. This year it's Chuck. We're still obsessed with all three. I can't wait till Lost comes back on in January. I think it's because I like zoning out on other people's drama. Not too much drama. Not contrived. I can't stand things like Desperate Housewives or daytime soaps. They bore the snot out of me. Maybe it's the fantasy, I don't know. In fact, it probably is that.
Tonight I watched Bones (predictable but fun), House (also predictable but fun), and SVU (way too predictable and depressing). I think I prefer TV that I couldn't write and that take me to an alternate reality. I watch TV because I don't want the real world. Don't give me any of that news crap. Or the hardened cop dramas. Or the lawyer shows (although Boston Legal can be very funny at times). I'd rather escape into something totally unbelievable. Like flying. Or a nerd actually being a secret spy (I have to say, however, that Chuck as a nerd is kind of a stretch). Or a mysterious island that won't let go of its inhabitants.
Call it a weekly vacation. That reminds me of Fantasy Island. Anybody out there remember that show? I don't think I was in love with Mr. Rourke, but I was in love with the concept of going to a place and living out an experience that you couldn't have in any kind of reality. Maybe I'll just stick with the fantasies. It's a lot less expensive than traveling and easier to discuss. Oh yeah, tomorrow is another new show that we're in love with - Pushing Daisies. Another fantasy.
If you haven't watched any of them, I'll put in a plug. Lost is going to start season 4 in January so if you haven't watched it before you may want to just borrow the DVDs. It can get addicting. I believe you can still watch last season at abc.com.
Heroes is in season 2 right now. I think you can watch all episodes at nbc.com, but if you need access to season 1, we've got them.
Chuck is season 1 and way fun. nbc.com for all episodes.
Pushing Daisies is also season 1 and way fun. Totally surreal, very entertaining. abc.com for all episodes.
In summary, sickness is bad, but TV that can take your mind off it is good.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Problem is that I still can't take Felix for a lot because the poor kid tries to crawl all over my belly. I can't pick him up or put him down, but I can hold him (as long as he's not trying to get on my belly). So we asked some nieces to help us out this weekend. Lauren is brilliant with him. She loves holding him and playing with him and I actually trust her, so even though she's only 10, I feel comfortable leaving him with her. Becca is coming a little bit later today to help out and if Lauren is still here we'll have Becca help us clean up. Brent has been a working machine - trying to catch up for the essentially 4 days that he missed. My parents were kind enough to take Felix last night so we could get some uninterrupted sleep, so I actually woke up at a normal time today.
Often I would be just waking up about now.
I still haven't really eaten since Tuesday, but it's for two reasons. First, I get horrible heartburn if I eat anything that has serious flavor. Second, everything else sounds completely unappetizing. I am getting lots of liquids at least and little tiny portions of food (before my body says "enough!"). Heck, maybe this is the impetus I've needed for a long time to change my eating habits and actually lose some weight...
The moral of the story is, family rocks. Thank goodness for all the physical support they've been able to give us during this difficult process. It's been so necessary and appreciated!
Friday, November 9, 2007
So I got transferred to UVRMC down in Provo. Brent took me (they offered an ambulance, but since this non-insurance bill is already going to kill us we opted out), got me settled and went home to sleep since he was exhausted. I sort of slept in a haze of pain and morphine, but the morphine wasn't making it much better. The nurses kept promising the doctor was on his way to come and see me, but by 4:45 I was in serious pain again. 5:30 am and I was writhing and on more morphine.
I zoned out (if I concentrate really hard and don't move I can ignore most pain for a short period of time or at least tolerate it) till 6 when they started taking me down to the OR. The doc finally came and talked to me for about a minute there before I went under.
I felt fine when I came out of anesthesia (that anesthesiologist was awesome!) and didn't even feel the effects of the breathing tube they'd had down my throat (I get claustrophobic even thinking about it).
The doc came and saw me again for about a minute. Apparently my appendix was healthy, but I had 2 ovarian cysts. The one on the right had ruptured (reminds me of that Simpson's episode where the appendix is taken out and thrown away where it explodes just out of reach and everyone cheers), which was probably the cause of most of my pain. The doc cleaned it up and removed the one on the other side too. They don't usually operate for cysts since they don't cause any harm besides pain, but since he was there...
He did mention that it's rare for a CT scan to miss ovarian cysts. My innards must be really confusing if they missed my ovaries and my appendix with three separate CT scans - two with contrast (those are painful, by the way).
I was back in my room by 8 am and feeling so much better I was amazed. The doc stopped by about 2:30 and said I could go home when I felt ready (I left about 5:45). He gave me a prescription for 4 days of antibiotics and some more percacet. Anybody need drugs? I feel like a freakin' pharmacy!
My belly is sore but in a totally acceptable way. It's amazing how much we use those muscles to move around. Felix woke me up about an hour ago (I went to bed at 9) - I have no idea when Brent brought him in to our room. He has croup and is miserably congested and wheezy. He climbed on my face and fell back asleep. Cute for him but not so fun for me.
In summary, it's been a sucky fall. It's going to be expensive but I finally see the light (I just hope it's not another train!).
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Last night when we went to my sister's house for FHE my youngest nephew was all snotty. It surprises me that Felix would get it so quickly after being there, but I just hope it doesn't get more serious than some congestion. Apparently you can still get children's cough syrup stuff but now you have to sign for it.
I'm not used to be conscious this early in the morning. As we drove back from the pharmacy (Felix and I), I actually saw the sunrise. Well, since it's behind the mountains, I didn't see the sun, but in the 20 minutes of our trip, it went from mostly dark to mostly light, and the clouds were all pinkish at the bottoms. It was really pretty.
Before we went to my sister's house my stomach was hurting pretty badly but I figured it was probably stress (yesterday was a beast for work) and that I hadn't eaten anything for a while. But after eating it was just getting worse. By the time we got home and I had about an hour left of work, I was in serious pain and I was freezing, so I asked Brent to cuddle with me to warm me up. I think that's what husbands are really for... to loan their cold wives their knee pits and heat them up. I was shivering and really hurting so Brent got me a bunch of pain killers and a rice warmer. He got that thing really hot and I put it under my back at the side, right where I hurt the most. I'm pretty sure the uber heat disguised my pain inside so I was able to get to sleep.
I'm not in severe pain this morning but my stomach still isn't really happy. I both feel sorry for Brent and envy him. I envy him his health, but I feel sorry for him that he has to deal with two sickos all the time. It doesn't seem to let up!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Other than that, it's awesome! hehe
For the last couple of days I haven't had access to the general internet and I've felt cut off from the world. As if it shouldn't be going on with me not there.
Today I'm back. I initially felt a little sorry for myself because it seemed that nobody cared or even noticed that I was gone. I hate feeling invisible.
Then I went to church, talked to some people, thought a lot, and came to some conclusions.
* It's self-destructive to feel sorry for myself. I just end up wallowing and not being good company.
* My friends really do like me. But everyone has their own life to deal with.
* People don't miss me because I'm not around all that much anyway so how would they notice an absence of like 3 days?
* It was kinda nice to take a break.
Today I talked to a lady at church. She's one of those seeming super women who has 6 very young kids who always look perfectly put together at church (the mom and the kids). She's married to one of the best-looking men I've seen in a long time. She is way nicer than she would seem (she's preppy and preppy never seems nice at first glance, does it?). She was wearing a knee-length skirt and some really cute shoes (red pumps with a chunky heal). What I noticed most of all is that she has the best calves I have ever seen on a woman. Hands-down winner. Seriously. I was doing some coveting at church today so I decided I should at least compliment her. So I told her she had beautiful legs. Amazingly, she struggles with her legs most as far as self-esteem goes. I was flabbergasted. If I had those calves I would never wear flat shoes and I would never wear anything past my knees. I'm not even joking.
This week I got together with some old friends of mine. We hadn't all been together in at least 8 years and it was awesome to sit and talk for a while. One of the girls said she loved my family because one night when she called at like 2 in the morning my mom was cheerful and so was I. I don't have any memory of that incident.
Anyway, it all comes down to this. I'm sick of complaining all the time. I'm tired of finding fault with everything because it just makes me feel bad. I love the little tiny kindnesses that we are able to share when we're in just a normal good mood (not that we would ever remember them - we shouldn't even, just that it makes me feel better that I am generically good when I don't think about it too hard), and I appreciate the millions of tiny kindnesses that come my way every single day.
Yeah, people are nice to me all the time. And I remember it. I don't think any of the people would really think they were big things, but they all meant something to me. I'm done. I'm done being a downer. I'm ready to just start being me.
Oh yeah, this last week Felix started to crawl. Our friend Kaydee almost accurately predicted he would do it this week, but she picked Tuesday. It was more like Thursday. But he is doing it. Awkwardly, but there's starting to be a purpose to his swagger. The bath in the picture was my niece Rachel's idea. We got the tub at Ikea for a few bucks because Felix really likes to splash around but we don't have a bathtub in our apartment. He got everything wet and thoroughly enjoyed himself.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
My computer has crashed big time, full of some kind of virus or spyware or parasite, and until it's cleared off, it's just a pile of crap taking up space on my desk. So, you'll have to wait for more past-halloween pictures, because I can't get them off.
Happily, Brent's old Mac Book is just sitting around so I'm on that right now. It's not all peaches and cream, however, because the hard drive is failing. Gah! Okay, so tomorrow with Brent's latest paycheck, we're going to purchase a new hard drive and all the software needed to get the Mac working and it's going to be mine permanently. Then on Saturday we're going to spend some quality time with a very generous friend of mine. She volunteered her husband, who is a Dell laptop support guy, to fix my computer. He's already done it once. I'll have to think of something really nice to do for them because this is a big deal. If we can get all my pictures and personal files off, then I'll call it a wash.
Sheesh. Computers are stinky sometimes, but I really really really hate people who create viruses just to mess with people. I'd love to unleash the full fury of Chuck Norris or Jackie Chan on their butts for being so dang inconsiderate.
Anyway, I hope to upload pictures soon. Really. I got some cute ones of Felix tonight covered in cereal. I don't know why it's so cute for babies to be so messy. But it is!
Monday, October 29, 2007
I'm sure you can tell which one was me. This was a group from work about 8 years ago.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Can anyone tell me where the past couple months have gone? I feel like I've been in a haze for a good long time, most likely because I'm seriously sleep deprived. I know that other women do it and it amazes me how many mothers there are out there who don't go insane with the lack of sleep that comes with motherhood.
Yesterday a good friend of ours hosted a halloween party. So true to form, on Friday I went and bought the supplies for our costumes. Actually, it was really just about Brent's costume because I got all sorts of lazy (and I was TIRED!!!) and decided to do something simple for mine. I found a really cute tiger costume for Felix a couple weeks ago, so we decided to be a lion, tiger, and bear. I was trying to figure out what would be easiest for me and Brent, and I spent some quality time at Wal-Mart.
While I was wandering around Wal-Mart, I found some fun slippers, and since Brent and I are due for new slippers, I thought that might be a fun way to enhance our costumes. They had lion slippers (you put your foot into the mouth), and big black fuzzy slippers with claws that I thought would make good bear feet.
Well, the slippers didn't work out (sizes), but I found some cheap gold flannel that I figured would make a good lion costume. I also found some cheap gold yarn that I thought could make a good mane.
Saturday morning I woke up nice and late and started working on the costume. I figured I could dress in all black and make a tail and some ears and be a bear. I grabbed a pair of Brent's pj pants and used them as a rough pattern for lion pants. And I used an old t-shirt as a pattern for the top. The mane gave me no end to trouble, so I didn't finish it. It was quite unfinished and I still have work on it before it looks like a lion's mane. I hot glued some cut-out ears to a headband and safety-pinned a tail on my bum for my costume. But as suspected, Felix was the star of the show.
It's gratifying to have people like him because he totally thrives on attention. We got back late and even had to stop on the way to change Felix's diaper because he was in pain. His poor diaper rash is finally making progress, but he's still spitting up a lot. At church today he tagged both me and Brent. Small price to pay for having such a cute kidlet.
This evening we talked my parents into watching Felix so we could take a nap. I woke up about an hour later, gave him a bottle and he fell asleep. He woke up about 15 minutes ago after about 2 hours asleep and I'm guessing he'll be awake and fussy for the next 3 or 4 hours. Fun.
Anyway, I'm happy to report that things are progressing. I'll put up a picture of us when it really is halloween. Hopefully I'll have our costumes finished by then.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
1. I adore having a husband that is willing to take care of the baby when I'm too tired.
2. Plastic dinnerware is lifesaving.
3. I miss fresh veggies when I'm sick.
4. I get sad when I can't comfort my baby.
5. I feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside when my baby sleeps on my husband's shoulder.
6. I am thankful almost every day for modern medicine that provides antibiotics and knowledge.
7. I love good pillows.
8. Showers feel awesome even when I don't feel like standing long enough to take one.
9. I like cheesy movies that I can recommend because there is nothing objectionable in them (Sydney White is really cute - a retelling of Snow White, it's Sydney White and the 7 Dorks).
10. Even though I don't enjoy texting, sometimes it's still easier to text when I don't feel like talking to someone.
I'm finally feeling mostly human again, but Felix is taking longer. Poor little bug. We haven't given him any acidopholus yet and I think he's having some stomach problems because of it. Little frustrations in the grand scheme of things, but I wish I were better equipped to comfort him and make him feel better. I hate seeing an infant suffer...
Saturday, October 20, 2007
It was worse than I thought. The diaper rash is a yeast infection so I got a prescription for nystantin. The doc checked Felix and he has no temperature and no big snot (dead giveaway for strep in infants), but he did have sores at the back of his throat. She recommended some 1% cortisone cream for the rash around his face (said it was probably the change of weather and his slobber) and said the nurse would let me know if the strep test was positive. It was.
The doc came back and prescribed amoxocillan for the strep and said to get some acidopholus for the yeast because apparently antibiotics are like a yeast magnet.
While I was at the pharmacy I asked the pharmacist about my giant headache that won't go away and about my cough, and he recommended some good cough suppressant and alternating between ibuprofen and Tylenol for the headache.
Felix fell asleep in the car and is sleeping now. I'm hoping he'll sleep for a while since he's been too uncomfortable to sleep for any significant time today. And Brent will pick up some drugs for us tonight. Hopefully that means that by tomorrow both Felix and I will finally feel some relief...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
piece on the truthfulness of the spate of ads for and against Utah's Referendum 1. They essentially looked at two ads for either side of the issue. With some caveats, the two that were pro-voucher (one with oreos, and one featuring Representative Rob Bishop) were factual, telling the truth as far as they went. One might take issue with what they did not say, but what they did say was true. Vouchers would increase funding per student in public schools.
On the other hand, the two that were anti-voucher were untrue on nearly every count. Everything that they said was either a distortion of the truth or completely untrue. That is, at least, according to this report by KSL's Eyewitness news.
If I didn't already know which way I'll be voting, this might have made up my mind for me.
Friday, October 12, 2007
As one cousin has dubbed us, we're the coolest family ever. I know she usually refers to her own flegling family in those terms, but it extends to us whether she likes it or not. :)
I come from a large Mormon family. One mom, one dad, 8 birth children and one adopted. Number 9 came into the family when she was already an adult so I often speak of her in separate terms, mostly just to note that the behavior of the 8 is the most identifiable because we grew up together.
Being a family that moved often, we all turned to each other for friendship. This has been a huge blessing in my life, and I'm sure my siblings would say the same. Not only are they my brothers and my sisters, but they are my friends.
I spoke in my "I love my friends" post about being able to make friends easily. That is true, but there is really more to it. See, I make friends easily, but it takes a lot of time and energy to make true friends. In all my life I can count my true friends on one hand. That doesn't mean I don't love the friends that aren't so deep, just that I don't know them well enough to be completely comfortable and 100% myself around them.
This is where the whole friend/family discussion comes in, because my family members are also true friends. Of course, I can't fit them all on one hand, but I don't have to. I have been blessed not only by super humongously amazing brothers and sisters, but also by amazing aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, and in-laws that I count myself incredibly lucky to even associate with.
The difference between friends and family is that with family they have to love you. But I would say my family (immediate and extended) does honestly love me and not just because they have to. I am not just lucky to have such an amazing family. I am downright blessed.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself. When I was a kid my family moved a lot. This forced me to choose one of two reactions - don't make friends because we'll be moving soon, or make all the friends you can as quickly as you can because we'll be moving soon. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm an extremely friendly person. Obviously, I chose the latter of the alternatives. I forced myself to become outgoing because I was lonely. And I do such a good job of making friends that it's hard to tell that I still have deep insecurities about it. Basically it boils down to this: I'm still afraid of rejection.
I love people. I find them fascinating and inspiring and all that other good stuff. And when I think of it too hard I start thinking how people couldn't possibly find me all that interesting. I think that I must be forcing a friendship on them. They already have friends. They don't need me.
Now, I know deep down that this is just silly. We all need each other. I know there really are people out there who love me through all my weirdness. But like any other female, I have to deal with hormones and a giant inferiority complex. So I have to convince myself that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it! people like me.
For a long time I would force myself through the initial parts of a friendship, figuring that if we got past that part then people might just decide they like me and want to be my friend. And then I got scared and decided that if someone didn't seem to return the friendship then I had to back off because obviously they weren't interested.
So here is what I realize... I'm not the only one who fears this rejection. I'm not the only one who hopes that people will love me through all my weirdness. I'm not the only one who wants friends. I'm not the only one who is afraid to come on too strong.
I'm sorry if I still seem to back off and you do really want my friendship. Besides feeling massively tired most of the time (sleep exhaustion, mother is thy name!!!) and still trying to find a balance between working and the world's cutest baby, I'm still afraid that if you don't respond immediately then you don't want me to keep trying. Of course, being a new mother, I understand that sometimes other people are just tired and overwhelmed too. I just have a hard time seeing the difference sometimes. "Is she tired and overwhelmed, or has she decided she doesn't want to be my friend?" That's a question that I find myself silently asking constantly.
I love my friends. I love the people who have graced me with their friendship. I am awed by them continually for their hard work, their determination to survive and overcome, their willingness to let an outwardly friendly but secretly shy and scared hormonal girl come into their lives.
Thank you for letting me grow with you. Thank you for being patient with me. It is greatly appreciated.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
I wanted to get this in during the weekend, but it didn't happen. I've been so tired since then and I started getting worried that I would forget everything. Of course, that basically happens during every general conference for me.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about a few things. I wouldn't say that I really learned anything new. Instead, I was reminded of really important things that I learned long ago. Here are some highlights...
1) Although we do not believe in the Nicene Creed, we emphatically declare that Mormons are Christian.
2) Simplicity is a very good thing, especially in religion.
3) I love old people with senses of humor. For an example, listen to any of President Gordon B. Hinckley's talks during this past weekend (go to www.lds.org and check out the general conference links).
Um. Dang. Sigh. I guess I'll have to go through it again. There were good uplifting stories, important messages, and inspiring actions (like during Elder Wirthlin's talk when Elder Nelson stood behind him to support him so he could finish).
I am, as always, proud to call myself a latter-day saint. Call me Mormon if you want, since that's how the world knows us best. Please understand that I have searched and prayed and learned and dug deep. Being Mormon was a very conscious decision for me, and I will never regret it. I love my faith. It sustains me and gives me hope. It helps me understand. And it helps me know how to forgive and love and progress.
With renewed resolve, I think I'm ready for another 6 months till the next conference. Cross your fingers for me!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I don't want to get into a pity party or anything, but I'm having a hard time lately with a bunch of things that seem to be weighing me down.
In contrast, I got partially moved to a new team at work, which means that I have a relatively full plate at work. That also means that I can start counting on having a pretty good paycheck again.
Although it's hard to get used to going back to work (not really since I've been working the whole time, just much less), it's nice to know that I am both needed and greatly appreciated at work. Makes me feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside.
With that warmth and fuzziness, I again have the motivation to deal with medical issues, car crap, health disappointments, dirty house, etc. It also helps that I have a fantastic support base of friends and family to add to that warm and fuzzy feeling.
That's all I've got. Just a thanks to family, friends, and work, for the support and patience in a relatively frustrating time. It really means a lot to me.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Over the years I've thought a lot about my friend-making abilities. For me, moving was really helpful. I wanted to be social but I was terribly shy. In the end, my desire won over my comfort zone and I forced myself to go out and make friends.
After talking to Anne for a bit, however, I realized that my ability to make friends is really often limited to making pretty superficial friends. I'm absolutely fascinated by people and really truly want to be friends with everyone, but I find myself holding back because of fear of rejection. I will easily talk to people and even make a pretty quick connection with them, but making deep friends is still very difficult.
Growing up in multiple states, I now lay claim to friends all over the US. There are different levels of friendship that I enjoy with these people, but I've discovered that when I make an effort, more often than not, people are welcoming of that effort and I make new friends (or create better friendships from those already existing).
Yesterday, Brent and I went to a baby shower. Brent is best friends with Ian, who he bonded with in high school. Ian and his wife Amy have welcomed me into the little group, and they are just days away from welcoming their first child into their home.
So Brent went to the shower with me so he could play with Ian (they are both fans of video games) and so he could drive since I'm still on crutches. After a couple of hours of hanging out at this shower, knowing (and really only superficially) Amy, we ended up as a group of 3. Amy - the pregnant one, Janis - the hostess of the party, and me. And the 3 husbands were downstairs.
We talked pretty comfortably and decided after a while to go check out a sale at Lane Bryant. Turns out their clearance section was pretty well stocked and we each spent about $30 on 4 or 5 items. The funny part was this ragtag group of women. Me - the gimp, Amy - the pregnant one, and Janis - toting along her almost 2 year old daughter.
But we bonded. We ended up being there for about 8 hours yesterday (the boys just didn't want to call it a night). It was really circumstance that threw us together, but we enjoyed ourselves. We are nothing alike really, except that all three of us have husbands who really love comic books and video games. It was a lot of fun and I look forward to enjoying their company again.
So, here's to friends. To making friends. To deepening friendships that are superficial. To going out of our comfort zones and being enriched.