Merry Almost Christmas

Felix loves his little sister. He doesn't say her name yet, but he does like pointing to her and touching her and saying "baby". He also likes giving her kisses. Super cute. Dr. Freestone says it's normal for kids Felix's age to not really get jealous. Said that might show up when she starts crawling and getting attention there. For now, Felix just sees that someone is giving out attention and he wants in on it too. So if someone is holding Amelia he wants to get held too. But he doesn't begrudge her the attention she gets.
She's keeping me up at night. She sleeps and eats much better during the day and I've wondered if it's not because she's used to the noise of the hospital nursery (it being similar to the regular daytime noise around home).

Besides the normal exhaustion of having a new baby at home, life is pretty darn good. I did have a few minutes of extreme frustration while speaking to Medicaid people yesterday, but I've grown to expect that. Sigh. (Felix found the sugar at Wal-Mart)

Conversation with Dr. Freestone

Sunday, December 21, 7:28 am

Me: Oh, good morning, Dr. Freestone.

Dr. Freestone: Good morning! Would you sleep better tonight if your baby was home?

Me: Yes!




We're home. It's a very happy day. 14 years ago today I went into the MTC. It is also my brother's birthday. And exactly 22 months ago, Felix was born. I might have to change my favorite day to be the 21st...

Progress

The tube is out! And today we're doing on-demand feedings. Yay!!!! Next picture will be her with just monitoring wires and nothing else. :)

Here's hoping for a very productive week...

I really want my baby home. That being said, I'm very thankful that she's in the hospital. She's getting some amazing care, I'm getting some extra sleep, and she's protected from all the germs going around.

As of this moment, doctor's orders are for Amelia to nipple every 2 out of 3 feedings. That means she gets to breast or bottle feed every 3 hours - with one gauvage feeding after every 2 nipple feedings. Since she did really well yesterday, I'm hoping to talk the doctor into letting her try to nipple feed every feeding but not to force them. See, we tried having her nipple feed every feeding, but she only did about half. I think forcing her to wake up for the feedings was more tiring than she was ready for.

It's tough to give updates when it feels like we're in a holding pattern. Amelia weighs almost 7 pounds now, so she's growing very well. But she's just not eating enough on her own to go home. So we have lots of ups and lots of downs. She had a 24-hour apnea study done and we'll hopefully get the results this afternoon. Dr. Freestone thought she could have reflux, which is making her pause in her feedings and triggering the apnea. Sounds bad, but it's very treatable.

So, no word yet. Amelia is still safely tucked away in the special care nursery at Timp Hospital. For the moment, she's back near a window, so if anyone wanted to come and see her they could. Once I find my camera again, I'll take more pictures.

Oh, on Saturday I had a houseful of extremely helpful volunteers. We got my living room organized for food from the kitchen, we cleaned out the kitchen (making it ready for renovations), cleaned out a bedroom downstairs so we could move back downstairs, and organized a room upstairs for storage. We got a whole lot done, which made me feel wonderful. I would still like to get a bunch more done, but I'm feeling much more relaxed about everything.

Yay for all kinds of progress!

Hearing test, Felix wants in on the action

Her hearing is just fine. Dr. Freestone called this morning after examining her and it looks like we may be able to bring her home next week after all. Yay!!!!!

Brent says, "That's not the way to get your stomach pumped!" Felix decided that he wanted to pump too. I just can't wait to add this to the photos for his wedding reception some day... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

New room, New doctor

Apparently, the first half of December has been a really good time to have babies. There are so many babies, that they pulled 6 out of the special care nursery last night and moved them upstairs to the overflow nursery. Amelia was one of them.

She's doing well. She has finally started eating more again, after a long week of not eating much at all. I'm going to meet with the occupational therapist in about half an hour to see maybe what we need to do to get her to eat. A week or two maybe till she's eating enough on her own?

Kari said Amelia doesn't need her anymore. She told me that with a sad look on her face, and said she has grown quite attached. Who wouldn't? :) So tomorrow, Amelia will be transferred into the care of one Dr. Freestone, a normal pediatrician. I have no idea how good he is, but Kari highly recommends him. So that's a plus.

My sister said she would take Felix on Thursday and Friday, so I'm going to try to get some housework done. It feels kind of odd to be excited about that, but I am honestly looking forward to it. Wish me luck!

another update on Amelia

It's tough to post when things seem to be at a standstill. Today would have been day 7 for no apnea - the goal so she could go home (only one of the goals actually), but she had another episode last night. So we're back to day 1. Kari assured me that when she comes home I'll be able to treat her as a baby and not as a patient. That sounds wonderful to me. The extra week does not.

Amelia has been ordered to nipple feed only 4 times a day. In between those feeds, she gets her milk through the gauvage tube. Mostly, though, she has only been taking a tiny amount from breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, so even for those 4 nipple feeds, she's having to get milk (most of it) through the gauvage too. Kari really does think that Amelia has been fighting off what I had. She said that she's sure Amelia would be a lot worse off if she wasn't getting my milk because it has the antibodies to help her fight off the sickness.

Thankfully, I'm still getting tons of milk. I even gave away a bunch of it because I heard of some babies in need. Brent told me that the occupational therapist recommended saving all my milk for the first month before giving any away just to make sure I had enough. As long as things hold, I won't be running out anytime soon though.

Yesterday we had an extended family get-together and then I spent some serious time with Amelia. Then I went to play with friends. I can't even begin to express how wonderful these friends of mine are or how much I needed their company yesterday.

Today after learning of Amelia's latest apnea I spent some good time crying. I thought long and hard about the direction of my life and the people in my life (including my babies) and how different everything is than I would like. No matter how well-intentioned I might be, I will always fail at my life if I try to take over. I have to constantly remind myself that the Lord is in charge. He really does know best and temporary upsets are both for my good and indeed temporary. And it really could be worse.

I have family who supports me, friends who care deeply, a husband who does honestly want me to be happy, and two of the world's cutest babies. What more could I want, right?

Gauvage

That's the name of a feeding tube that goes in through the nose. And Amelia got one this afternoon. To tell the truth, that's not a bad thing. It means that the neonatalogist is ready to ween Amelia off the IV fluids so she'll be exclusively on my milk.
There are three new babies in the NICU, making it full. Of course, there are only 5 beds, and one baby that came the day before Felix was transferred out yesterday. But now it's Amelia's turn to be transferred out to make room. Yep, she's going to the special care nursery.

So, although it might seem that the feeding tube is a step back, it's just a preparation step. Kari said she thinks that Amelia might be fighting off what I had and that's why she hasn't eaten well the past couple of feedings. Either that or she's just being a normal preemie. Whatever it is, I'll be glad when she's past this particular hurdle. Man, she hates being so hooked up. Kind of like her mom...

Sicko

I'm not sure what Felix gave me, but I sure got it. Some kind of stomach bug that kept me away from Amelia all day yesterday.

Let me explain that I almost NEVER get this kind of sick. I get colds quite regularly and sometimes even get them quite severely. But stomach bugs thankfully stay away. And even when I do get a bug, it's pretty mild. Not this time.

I think it's been probably 10+ years since I had thrown up last. Well, I did throw up once when I was pregnant with Felix, but that's different. I'm talking about throwing up violently because of sickness. Brent throws up far more regularly than I do. Thankfully, this hasn't touched him yet. I'm hoping he escapes without getting it at all because it's miserable.

Because I was feeling so terrible, I ended up just pumping at the hospital and sending Brent to feed Amelia. I want a parent there as much as possible. Thank goodness I'm feeling tons better today. I should probably wait for an update from the doctors before saying anything (don't want to jinx myself!), but as of yesterday, her last bad apnea episode was on Saturday. She did have a couple mild episodes since then but always pulled out on her own very quickly. Kari said this means she's growing out of it. Yay!

Also, because she's progressing with the apnea, we need to make sure she can get enough food on her own (no tubes, no supplements through an IV). So we've upped her feedings to every 3 hours to try to get her used to it. We want to bring home a chubby baby...