It's tough to post when things seem to be at a standstill. Today would have been day 7 for no apnea - the goal so she could go home (only one of the goals actually), but she had another episode last night. So we're back to day 1. Kari assured me that when she comes home I'll be able to treat her as a baby and not as a patient. That sounds wonderful to me. The extra week does not.
Amelia has been ordered to nipple feed only 4 times a day. In between those feeds, she gets her milk through the gauvage tube. Mostly, though, she has only been taking a tiny amount from breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, so even for those 4 nipple feeds, she's having to get milk (most of it) through the gauvage too. Kari really does think that Amelia has been fighting off what I had. She said that she's sure Amelia would be a lot worse off if she wasn't getting my milk because it has the antibodies to help her fight off the sickness.
Thankfully, I'm still getting tons of milk. I even gave away a bunch of it because I heard of some babies in need. Brent told me that the occupational therapist recommended saving all my milk for the first month before giving any away just to make sure I had enough. As long as things hold, I won't be running out anytime soon though.
Yesterday we had an extended family get-together and then I spent some serious time with Amelia. Then I went to play with friends. I can't even begin to express how wonderful these friends of mine are or how much I needed their company yesterday.
Today after learning of Amelia's latest apnea I spent some good time crying. I thought long and hard about the direction of my life and the people in my life (including my babies) and how different everything is than I would like. No matter how well-intentioned I might be, I will always fail at my life if I try to take over. I have to constantly remind myself that the Lord is in charge. He really does know best and temporary upsets are both for my good and indeed temporary. And it really could be worse.
I have family who supports me, friends who care deeply, a husband who does honestly want me to be happy, and two of the world's cutest babies. What more could I want, right?
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6 comments:
Heather......You are the sweetest little mommy. I have felt like this many times. no matter how hard you try you will always feel like you never do as good as you want to. But may I recommend that you read elder uchtdorf talk from the last Womens conference. IT IS SO GOOD! I kid you not. When you are done reading that you will so much more different about the things you do for your family. Heather just remember you have lots of people that love you and care and pray for you little family right now. One thing you need to remember also is that YOU are the only one who can take care of your family. Love you so much Karla
I'm sorry amelia is not doing so well. i thought she would be home after a week as well. we'll pray as family for her...
sylwia
Oh I'm so sorry.
I am glad that you had a good time on Sat. We may need to do it again soon!
Heather,
I am so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Good for you for seeing your blessings at a time like this. It is hard when things are so hard. You and Amelia are in our prayers. I enjoyed Saturday night as well. We do have an awesome group.
What more could you want? Uh....hot french bread with a red sauce? A pit of cabana boys to roll around in?
You need a list of things to want...I'm your go to gal.
Heather, I saw the update on Facebook about Ameila coming so early but didn't have a chance to head over for all the details until just now.
Keep strong, honey, it may take longer than we'd like, but the Lord knows Amelia's needs and will take care of her until it's time for her to come home. Even better, He'll take care of you, too.
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